Have you stopped talking with your spouse?
Haven’t had sex in months or years?
Are you completely overwhelmed by your obligations – hanging on by a thread?
Are you asking yourself “Is this all there is to life?” or
“This is exactly the life I DIDN'T want!”
You've known for a while now that this is not how you were meant to live your life. You've known that your life could be much richer, much fuller - less stressful, less painful.
You are creative, smart and competent. You’ve worked hard all your life – you’ve done all the right things, and taken all the right steps.
You have spiritual awareness – a sense that we all have a greater purpose in life, that there is more to life than our everyday struggles.
You also have emotional awareness – you are committed to creating a better life for yourself and your loved ones.
From the outside you look like you have it all together – you have the perfect life – career, marriage, maybe kids – it all looks perfect and attractive, maybe even glamorous.
That’s the outside.
But inside – it’s a different story – your marriage is not great, certainly not what you had hoped for on your wedding day – maybe it’s even on the verge of falling apart.
And your kids are not happy either – maybe even acting out in all sorts of ways, or anxious or depressed.
You are overwhelmed by the thousands of “should’s” roaming around in your head – things you “should” be doing for your job, your spouse, your kids, and everyone else.
My goal is to give you hope for a better future – a brighter, more joyful life – and a knowing that such a future is absolutely possible. Relationships are tough – especially with the people closest to you. But, given enough support and training, we can all have warmly connected and joyful relationships with our spouse and with our children.
The stress you may be feeling in many areas of your life is not needed and is something you can learn to lose.
You get to be the beautiful, glorious self that you were meant to be – what you dreamt of when you were a little kid.
Let me tell you how this worked for a client I worked with recently – I’ll call her Susanne.
Case Study – Susanne:
Susanne was in a marriage that was no longer working – she felt disconnected from and unappreciated by her partner. She was definitely far from living the life she had once imagined.
Her dream was to have a relationship where she could tell her spouse everything without being judged, where she was truly appreciated for who she was. She dreamt of being with a partner who comes running to her with open arms and whispers “Honey – there’s no other place where I’d rather be than right here with you right now!”.
She also wanted to be a parent who is patient and caring and whose kids are thriving.
The dilemma she found herself in was that most of the time she felt stuck between two bad choices.
One choice was to withdraw from interactions – running away either emotionally or physically (“silence”). Like many of us, she used work and electronics to distract herself. Sometimes she even traveled extensively to avoid dealing with her situation at home. She settled for the bare minimum on an emotional level; mostly she really didn’t want to engage with her spouse or children.
The other bad choice … was to react in anger, become snippy, or use sarcasm (“violence”). As a parent she constantly nagged her children. Her undercurrent of anger and frustration often flared up and came out in passive-aggressive behaviors. Neither of these two bad choices made for happy relationships, and worse – both choices made her feel terrible.
There are several reasons for this dilemma of the two bad choices: One was a feeling of unworthiness, which resulted in her inability to ask for what she wanted and needed. Many of us grew up with the belief that we needed to please others first and that we could not have any needs ourselves until everyone else was taken care of.
To top it off, Susanne often felt very alone. She had no deep connections with other people where she could be vulnerable and truly herself. She thought she just had to power through life all by herself – by working hard and by being perfect.
So, Susanne felt stuck between the two bad choices – “silence” or “violence”.
Could there be a third – a much better choice? Yes there is!
I helped Susanne see, and she learned to trust, that she is worthy to speak up and to ask for what she needs and wants. She learned and trusted that she never has to beg or grovel. And it turns out that when she herself was emotionally filled up, she was able to speak up and make requests in a kind and loving way. She learned that she deserves to have her real needs met – that it doesn’t take away from anyone else.
As Susanne put all that learning and her new perspectives into practice, she even taught her kids to do the same – she became a model for them.
As she started asking for what she wanted, she stopped feeling angry all the time. She communicated more clearly and in a loving way with her husband, which he appreciated. And she even allowed him to take care of her in ways she had previously resisted.
Do you want to have a life that's joyful and fun? Do you want to feel deeply connected to the people around you?
Let's have a conversation! I'd love to hear your story!
Call me or write - my contact information is right below.